It's 6:20 in the morning and I'm not sure what I'm doing awake and up. Actually, I woke up about 4:30 but it took me a while to decide I was hungry enough not to go back to sleep. So now, here I sit, a piece of Dave's Killer 21-Grain (double toasted) with fresh peanut butter and a half liter of half coffee (Tanzanian Peaberry) and half vanilla Silk under my figurative belt. I could go for more, actually, but I used the last of the peanut butter and I don't really need any more right now, it would just be a comfort.

No gray to the sky yet, but it's that time of the day when the hoot of the owl out front blends with the crows of the roosters around us. Those moments before daybreak, when you tend to feel thoughtful, even if there's nothing on your mind. I've just been thinking about the decades that pass and the generations. Each has its influences, the switch from horses and buggies to cars, the patriotism and camaraderie of WWII, and let's not even get into "the 60's." I still can't believe that it's now 2011 and I'm almost 60, and freshly an orphan at that.

That owl keeps hooting, but he doesn't seem to have any answers. Still, he's a comfort; my mom always liked owls. And I'm sitting here in her chair, the day after we finally finished all the paperwork to settle her very small estate. Small, but enough to see us through a couple of months, if we're careful.

One of the cats just parted the curtains; there's enough light coming from the east to silhouette the big pines in the front yard. The day birds are all chirping; I guess they're waking each other up and arranging their schedules. I'll have another busy one, with dropping my brother off across town at 10am and picking him up whenever, visiting with a good friend and helping her with her web page, then, someone else calling later on to hear what I have to tell him about his meta tags and how messed up they are.

What I wouldn't give for a week alone here, no place to go, nothing to do but house stuff. Finally get my room clean, get the tomato seedlings started, make some pineapple bran muffins, make and freeze the spaghetti sauce. And there's that fish to be cooked and eaten, but I'll do that for lunch maybe anyway today.

A good friend talked me into entering things in the San Bernardino county fair, which is coming up in May. I went hog wild, as I am wont to do - pineapple bran muffins, whole wheat bread, orange rolls and my special no-salt, almost no sweetening (1 tbsp of honey for two huge loaves) cinnamon raisin bread. I haven't been to a county fair since Sonoma, and that was summer of 1992. This time there will be four of us who are in various stages of acquaintance/friendship with things entered, so we'll try to go together for moral support, to see how we did. One has oil paintings, one has photographs, one has models (including a very involved Titanic), and there's me with my baked goods. At least we're not competing with each other.

I'm amazed at the business my Google page is pulling in. I did a reading Friday, for a very nice man. If things work out, he's going to set my brother up to do some gold mining, still a very active and viable preoccupation in these parts. And, in the course of all of this, I discovered some luscious beef jerky, which you should check out.

That's all the excitement for now; I think I'm going back to bed. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept that there was no single big bang; there are big bangs happening constantly all over and new universes dying and being born. It's just another linearity trap to climb out of. Maybe I'll dream about it when I go back to bed. Toast, peanut butter, coffee and silk should be a good generator.

By the way, all my business lately seems to be coming from my Google page. Check it out, if'n you're of a mind.