I'm in an odd situation. I have one brother and one sister and none of us has children. So, our particular line dies with us. Still, I find myself preoccupied lately with where we came from, what lineage made us who we are. Some of it I know, some can be discovered. Unfortunately, a lot of that died with my mother, in January of this year.

There are those odd photos and stories that I wish I could ask my mom about, those family photos that you think you know about, but you're really making educated guesses. And today I found the following, that I must share. Of course I know that no family is perfect and some of you have no relationship with your family that is worth trying to support and explore. And we certainly had our times. But, for those of you who do speak to your parents, grandparents, whomever, please take this to heart. I wanted to get my mother's stories down on paper while she was still here to tell me, and I didn't. It's a loss that rips me, body and soul.

Apparently, it was on her mind too. This has to have been written some time in the past eight years since my Dad died, but I never saw it until today. I'm so grateful I found it, but it's such a bittersweet feeling. There's so much I wish I could ask her.

-------------

From my mother, Jamesena Jeanne Coatney Bryant.

Dear Donna, Pat & Mike,

Bill, dear, too,

I must include you all

I must, I must, I must begin to write

Before it's time to go

hesitate -----

And time goes by again

And then, before I realize

Dad joins the list of those who were to go

Before I to my senses came

And sat down to write to them

I must, I must, I must begin to write

Before it's time to go

Too few are left to write to now,

And, who knows -----

I must, I must, I must begin to write

For perhaps I'll be the next to go.

A Course in Miracles

I recently did something that I've never done. I formally accepted a student. This is a huge responsibility, but that's not what this post is about, except as a foundation.

My goal isn't to produce "another me," but to have the student become the clearest and broadest self that he can be. What I came up against was a tremendous wall of beliefs, a wall that quite effectively put his mind squarely in defense against everything I was trying to communicate.

"Have you ever seen spirits?" "Have you ever astral projected?" "Do you ever see demons?" "What can you do when you have tremendous fear of what life will bring next? "Do you see ghosts?" "Can you talk to ghosts?" "What is this feeling in the pit of my stomach?"

On and on and on. I finally had to realize something. My basis is faith, but I try to avoid belief at any cost. The only way that can work is if you clean out all the belief...what is left is faith. Just as a doctor must clean out all the damaged and diseased tissue before allowing a wound to heal, the spirit must be cleaned out and made ready for faith.

I ended up recommending a tool from my past, "A Course in Miracles." It's lovely to have the books in hand, with the commentaries and but the lovely ACIM folks have made it possible to do the whole thing online, for free. ACIM is one of the finer tools there is for honing yourself, making it possible to hone your faith, your craft, your practice. You can't lay a building foundation until you've cleared the ground. i recommend ACIM wholeheartedly.

My only caveat, and this applies to everything, including what I teach, is this. It's all tools. You don't use a hammer to build a house and then step back and say, "Look what that hammer did!" You see what you were able to accomplish because you had a hammer, saw, nails, level, all the tools that were necessary to build that house, along with the vision of a house that you started with.

If you want to become a tool that the planet can use to ease and further its transformation, acquaint yourself with ACIM.

I've just had a little reminder of the message that synchronicity sends to us. John Lilly referred to it as coming from the CCC, Coincidence Control Center. I see multiple coincidences as a message from "Universe/God/Source/pick your word" to let you know that you are on the right track and "Life/Universe/The Planet/pick your word" is gearing up to shift into a higher or more elevated, or clearer energy.

You may be noticing a lot more of this in the days ahead and that's a good thing. It is a dual purpose tool. It is there to alert you to changes ahead, but it is also meant to be a comfort, letting you know that you're okay, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing or thinking what you're supposed to be thinking.

I can give a quick example from my own life. I've been doctor shopping, and I was on my way to see a new doctor this afternoon. All I really knew about him was that he had a reputation as someone who listens, is very thorough and he is Japanese. So, what song comes on the radio, as I'm turning into the parking lot? "I'm Turning Japanese," which I haven't heard in 20 years. Now, the song isn't really about what I was doing, but it was SO appropriate that I laughed until I choked. Then, as I'm leaving, I turn the radio on and hear, "Right Here, Right Now" by Jesus Jones. Look up the lyrics (really, do it!) and you'll see how perfect that song is for the times we're living through. At least it feels that way for me. I know that it felt like a blessing and a reminder.

Synchronicity, CCC, call it what you will. I believe it serves a purpose, to guide me along the path for which I am most suited. I look for these chains of coincidences to tell me that I'm doing okay, that things are going to be okay, even if it looks like crap at the moment.

I just thought I would share this.

Stay in the light.

This is also being posted at http://www.wiccaneopagan.com And yes, I'm well aware of the ironies, difficulties, and the ridiculousness of trying to talk about non-linearity of time, or anything else, in a world that is based on one form of counting or another. It is upon this base that we construct intelligence.

We have all tied ourselves to clocks and calendars for what seems like forever. it just isn't like that anymore. We are keyed into a clock that is transparent to us and to try to predict future happenings, especially on a large scale, is an exercise in frustration and will only become more so.

December 21, 2012, in itself, is a lie, a subterfuge. It's not about a date -- it's about a process. We're already there, we've been immersed in the process for several years now. Are you living someplace you don't like, but can't seem to leave? It's part of the process. Are you in a relationship that is ending, no matter how you endeavor to resuscitate it? Let it go; find yourself in the process. Are you hurting and scared, more than you can remember being? You are not alone; join our circle. We will be and are doing just fine.

Souls will be leaving human bodies in great numbers during this time. Grieve and move on; they are still with us. Above all, however it occurs, don't allow yourself to take it personally. Even if it looks like you should, or someone else tries to blame you. We are all going through this time in a way that is personally appropriate and it has nothing to do with anyone else. It's so easy to attach human drama to these exits, from suicide notes to horrific accidents to prolonged and painful illness. That's just because we don't know how to just say goodbye and step aside. IT IS ALL CREATING SPACE AND CLARITY FOR THAT WHICH IS STILL TO COME.

The best thing you can do is let go of the personal and the dramatic. Yes, you probably still have to set an alarm, leave at a certain time, get to work on schedule, pick up the kids at school. Still, as much as you possibly can, LET LOOSE OF THE FAMILIAR LINEAR SECURITY. Be as "go with the flow" as you can possibly be. And, when you can't, don't beat yourself up for it. It's a binary process, on and off, forget and remember, be enlightened then be endarkened.

I am (whatever "I" means) so blessed to be here and now with all of you and all the planet. That doesn't mean it doesn't and won't look like crap sometimes. Just remember that "it" is what "it" is, and "crap" is just the evaluation we attach to it.

My mother died three months ago. I can't begin to tell you all the judgments and evaluations I have attached to that event and the situations that have arisen from it. What I can tell you is that the only real truth I know about it is that her spirit left her body on January 26, 2011 at 12:50pm PST. I was blessed enough to be there and witness it. Anything else I could say about it would be my own addition to the only real knowable truth. And remembering that is my own process and a path to follow on my way to cognizance of my own value as a source of light.

We are all beings of light; we are each other's enlightenment. YOU are a tremendous gift to everyone around you, including to me.

I hope some of this make some sort of sense. I only know I felt called to share it here.

Thank you, blessed be, namaste, and stay in the light.

I have to get in here more often. I miss writing, even the little articles I was doing for Demand Media (ehow.com, gardenguides.com, etc.) The problem is, I'm disabled, and I get penalized for earning anything. I lose $1 for every $2 I earn, which isn't so bad, but my understanding is that I lose ALL medical coverage if I have any earnings at all. My disability income is just under $640 a month. The rent is $600. Talk about your rock and your hard place!

So, I need to blog more. Or become the next J.K. Rowling. Well, I guess both would be nice! I am doing a lot more reading lately, which for me means a LOT of reading. (That's reading books, not doing psychic readings, which has REALLY cut back.)

I want to see how these writers do what they do. I admit to being addicted to Louis L'Amour recently, for several reasons, but I'm not above trying to get the Harlequin/Silhouette format down to a science. God, I'm SUCH a snob.

I also have two astrology related books I've had on the back burner for forever. It's time to pull them out and get cooking.

Change of subject: I seem to have a different song stuck in my head every day. No clue, no reason, just a different song of the day each day. Today seems to be "Danke Schön," for some unknown reason. maybe it's just telling me to say thank you for what I do have. Drum Circle is tonight; maybe I'll make gratitude my theme for the evenng.

There once was a psychic named Joan,

who read for someone on the phone.

The client ignored it,

Joan got blamed for it.

Responsibility for manifestation is not the psychic's alone.

I saw the most awesome program on PBS tonight, "Closer to Truth." This one was on agnosticism and it set my soul on fire. I just kept saying, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to the tv. Lots of people I've never heard of and one I've seen before, several times, Lenny Susskind. I've always heard him talk about Physics, so it was a treat to hear him address some of the metaphysical implications of his work.

I'm going to be watching it again online, along with other episodes. You can, too, at www.closertotruth.com. Lots of fodder for my hungry psyche, just when I need it. A definite avenue to follow away from my very painful, hurting, deep depression of late.

More on all of this when I've had more time for exploration and digestion. It feels SO good to be excited about something.

BTW, tyvvvm to a dear friend who chatted me up tonight. She also worked miracles in my attitude.

This is a problem that will be foreign to most gardeners. It's spring here; it's time to get a garden going. AND, I have no soil. I live in the high desert, so the "soil" is hard pan. The constant winds blow all the top soil away as fast as it is created, unless something is planted to hold it in place.

My dream is to turn all this (almost an acre) hard pan into great garden soil with a heavy-duty rototiller. My dream is the top-of-the-line Troybilt tiller, Big Red. I could recycle much of our home "trash," not just food and typical compostable materials, but also things like shredded newspapers. I have a neighbor across the street who would gladly give me all the compostable horse manure I can cart home. This is difficult because I am physically unable to do a lot of things that are involved, from pulling the cart, to loading and unloading it, but it's not impossible.

My only other choice is to purchase soil, whether by the ton (more shoveling and hauling) or the bag. It also means finding border material to contain the raised beds that would be created, plus finding ways to make sure that the soil stays in place when our winds kick up. (60mph sustained gusts are not uncommon around here.)

I have used the rototiller I'm speaking of; I used to own one. It truly was as simple as walking alongside the tiller and holding the controls to keep the clutch and motor engaged. We grew eight kinds of tomatoes and a dozen different lettuces, plus beets, potatoes, corn, green beans...you get the picture.

At this point, it would feed us to a large extent, but it would also furnish a way to generate extra income, because we could produce far more food than we could eat and preserve. And, what couldn't be eaten, preserved or sold could be donated to food banks or shelters. Plus, with a small trailer or a basic small pickup truck, e could till other people's property for income.

I guess what I'm doing here is putting it out to the universe. I want a Troybilt Big Red (with the hiller/furrower attachment). My credit won't handle it and I certainly don't have the spare $3000 lying around. It looks impossible, but that doesn't make it so. I'm declaring for this and the universe shall provide. And so it is.

Okay, folks, this is a weird one for me. I don't normally "predict" events so much as I expose individual "trends" for the person I'm reading for. So, this one came out of the blue, while I was having lunch with a great friend, visiting, chatting, laughing, celebrating the end of her chemo (long story, but she's okay).

I could feel the earth shaking. I don't mean trembling, I don't mean a "Gee, are we having an earthquake, I'll bet it's not even a 4.0" for those of you who live in places where earthquakes are a fact of life. I still remember a news anchor saying, as she reported on a 3.6 or so quake, "hey, they don't even count if they aren't at least a 4.0!" (Tritia Toyota, for those who remember her)

I could feel and see massive devastation, terror, change on a scale that I can't even imagine, I can only feel the horror of the people experiencing the event.

What I was seeing was the Pacific Northwest, Puget Sound, Seattle, Vancouver, Vancouver Island, the Alaskan panhandle, coastal Oregon, really, everything on the Pacific coast that isn't protected by a large mountain range, including southern California.

The fear, sadness, horror, terror, grief...all almost overwhelming. I stopped what I was doing and started crying and I couldn't stop. My very strong feeling was three to six months time from now. I just wanted to scream, Get out!" at everyone in those areas.

My friend was able to "talk me down" and get some foundation under me, for that's what it felt like, the very foundation was being ripped from under me. Her feeling was yes, something is coming, but that I was feeling the worst of the possibilities, not necessarily the actuality of events to occur.

I went home from lunch, still feeling moderately upset, but I am not one who takes myself seriously about this sort of thing. I am a psychic whose biggest, well, critic isn't the right word. Let's just say that I work at not taking myself seriously. Still, I couldn't seem to step away from this one.

The next thing I know, my brother is telling me that there is an interesting documentary coming on in a few minutes, about the Cascadia subduction zone and the fact that several scientific sources are saying that it may be the next super quake to happen on the ring of fire. The Cascadia plate is slipping under the (I believe) North American plate, and the problems occur when the plates "stick" rather than smoothly sliding. Apparently, there are several obvious signs that they are sticking.

The Cascadian plate extends from the Straits of Juan de Fuca, north of Puget Sound, southward to northern California. It would also intersect with several other significant faults, the most well known being the San Andreas.

All I know is this scares me. And, crazy as it may make me sound, I can't just stay quiet. I would encourage you top do your own research on the Cascadia subduction zone and the possibile consequences of a major event involving this fault. What I'm finding is the possibility of a quake magnitude 8.0 to 9.0 or higher, and 30 meter tsunamis.

It's 6:20 in the morning and I'm not sure what I'm doing awake and up. Actually, I woke up about 4:30 but it took me a while to decide I was hungry enough not to go back to sleep. So now, here I sit, a piece of Dave's Killer 21-Grain (double toasted) with fresh peanut butter and a half liter of half coffee (Tanzanian Peaberry) and half vanilla Silk under my figurative belt. I could go for more, actually, but I used the last of the peanut butter and I don't really need any more right now, it would just be a comfort.

No gray to the sky yet, but it's that time of the day when the hoot of the owl out front blends with the crows of the roosters around us. Those moments before daybreak, when you tend to feel thoughtful, even if there's nothing on your mind. I've just been thinking about the decades that pass and the generations. Each has its influences, the switch from horses and buggies to cars, the patriotism and camaraderie of WWII, and let's not even get into "the 60's." I still can't believe that it's now 2011 and I'm almost 60, and freshly an orphan at that.

That owl keeps hooting, but he doesn't seem to have any answers. Still, he's a comfort; my mom always liked owls. And I'm sitting here in her chair, the day after we finally finished all the paperwork to settle her very small estate. Small, but enough to see us through a couple of months, if we're careful.

One of the cats just parted the curtains; there's enough light coming from the east to silhouette the big pines in the front yard. The day birds are all chirping; I guess they're waking each other up and arranging their schedules. I'll have another busy one, with dropping my brother off across town at 10am and picking him up whenever, visiting with a good friend and helping her with her web page, then, someone else calling later on to hear what I have to tell him about his meta tags and how messed up they are.

What I wouldn't give for a week alone here, no place to go, nothing to do but house stuff. Finally get my room clean, get the tomato seedlings started, make some pineapple bran muffins, make and freeze the spaghetti sauce. And there's that fish to be cooked and eaten, but I'll do that for lunch maybe anyway today.

A good friend talked me into entering things in the San Bernardino county fair, which is coming up in May. I went hog wild, as I am wont to do - pineapple bran muffins, whole wheat bread, orange rolls and my special no-salt, almost no sweetening (1 tbsp of honey for two huge loaves) cinnamon raisin bread. I haven't been to a county fair since Sonoma, and that was summer of 1992. This time there will be four of us who are in various stages of acquaintance/friendship with things entered, so we'll try to go together for moral support, to see how we did. One has oil paintings, one has photographs, one has models (including a very involved Titanic), and there's me with my baked goods. At least we're not competing with each other.

I'm amazed at the business my Google page is pulling in. I did a reading Friday, for a very nice man. If things work out, he's going to set my brother up to do some gold mining, still a very active and viable preoccupation in these parts. And, in the course of all of this, I discovered some luscious beef jerky, which you should check out.

That's all the excitement for now; I think I'm going back to bed. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept that there was no single big bang; there are big bangs happening constantly all over and new universes dying and being born. It's just another linearity trap to climb out of. Maybe I'll dream about it when I go back to bed. Toast, peanut butter, coffee and silk should be a good generator.

By the way, all my business lately seems to be coming from my Google page. Check it out, if'n you're of a mind.

I've been reading Gregg Braden lately, watching Morgan Freeman, asking questions, all those things I would usually be doing anyway, and have been all my life. Everybody is focused on 2012, specifically December 21, 2012. Braden isn't saying a lot that hasn't already been said, not that I'm against his repackaging the information for more people to absorb.

The one thing that really matters is when he says that this is a cycle, within other cycles, that has happened before and will happen again. And, we're already WAY immersed in the cycle. The thing Braden implies, but so far I haven't read him saying directly, is that these cycles aren't just recurring circles. Jerry Garcia implies it in "The Wheel."

The wheel is turning and you can't slow down,

You can't let go and you can't hold on,

You can't go back and you can't stand still,

If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will.

Small wheel turn by the fire and rod,

Big wheel turn by the grace of God,

Every time that wheel turn 'round,

Bound to cover just a little more ground.

The point to all of this is that we're not talking a merry-go-round here. You don't repeatedly end up in the same position. It's a spiral. It looks like history repeating, but it's more than that, much more. Braden talks about conditions repeating, but not necessarily with the same choices and outcomes. That's because it's a spiral, an ever ascending spiral. We will all be presented with new choices and opportunities, new directions and shifts in perspective.

He's right. I'm right. The answer is to seek new answers to old problems. I currently face many situations, family, economic and medical. And I KNOW it's going to be better than okay. I'm going to buy this totally impractical house that my family has rented for 16 years. And fix it up so that it's comfortable and livable, which will probably cost as much as buying it. I can't tell you how, because I don't know. I only know that it will be happen. And we will become as self-sufficent as possibile, from food to electricity.

Meanwhile, I'll be making spaghetti sauce tomorrow, and bran muffins the next day. And I need to make bread. And my room, oh lord, how I need to clean my room, do laundry, set up an office in the side room, shop, get lab work and a chest xray...and I'll be continuing to keep my radar up and my imagination open.